Oh 2020…

Before I knew it, a very long time had passed since I last posted. I have about 20 posts saved as drafts, but when you are chronicling a journey sometimes the events change faster than the time to type will allow. The good news is that I have continued to practice diligently, and I am making progress (we’ll define progress later!). That’s one thing that this year has not managed to mess up. I know that others are not as fortunate – time and money can be scarce, and motivation to practice can dwindle when life gets hard. I have had to be more flexible with myself – allowing myself days in a row of not practicing without feeling impatient or resentful of the situation.

Since my last post I’ve changed teachers twice. That was really tough, and I’ll devote more time to those posts. Through the ups and downs I have realized that my violin playing is my constant. It’s not something that I’m scared of losing interest in. And it is a constant in the sense that when I am playing, or practicing rather, I’m in a world that I know and that is familiar to me. When my kids can’t go to school, when my career takes a nosedive because it must be sacrificed so that I can be flexible for my family, the violin is still there. My growth edges are like a long term project that I know well and come back to day after day. There’s a solace in the struggle that is hard to explain. It’s an easy struggle. I always imagined my escape into music being something that whisks me away into the beautiful sounds and feelings. Instead, it’s me alone in my room, happy to focus on relaxing a shoulder or breaking a bad habit. Happy to be privileged enough to focus on that. For now. My family is healthy and we are stable. And I get to think about quieting my bow arm. There is beauty in that. I’m just happy to be here.

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